So where does the Lord come into all of this?
I have no idea…
God’s will feels like a catch-22. Like, I am so glad that its not this small dot on a page and if you miss the dot then you’re screwed, but it is like a big circle, get somewhere in there and you’re good. Seek the Lord and go with what you feel… It’s a blessing because there is so much freedom in that, in Christ. Seeking the Lord and His heart for things will guide yours towards Him. But on the other hand, if it were a small dot, if you got it then you wouldn’t doubt that you were in the right place for you. It’s like your parking spot, its yours, it has your name on it.
But even when it is a big circle there is still this fear inside me that I will somehow drift away from the Lord. And it cripples me, it keeps me from moving, and in turn I end up drifting from the Lord.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.
- Jeremiah 29:11-14
Whenever I hear this passage, it only includes the first verse. But I love love love what follows. Seek the Lord, call upon Him, claim the promises that you have been given, trust that He is God and that He has a plan and that He is sovereign. How foolish of me to think that I am so powerful as to change God’s ultimate plan? Ultimately His plans are to give me a future and a hope. So why am I so afraid? Why do I feel so stuck?
Maybe that’s because I am…
When I don’t trust God or seek Him, I try to put myself in God’s position. And while God’s ultimate plan is still in place, I lose the intimacy and fellowship I once had with my Savior. Suddenly I feel lost and directionless. Which is kinda true, I have stopped following my Guide, and I am blindly walking along this path that I have no idea where it leads.
For You are my lamp, O LORD, and my God lightens my darkness. For by You I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. This God— His way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him.
2 Samuel 22:29-31
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. I have sworn an oath and confirmed it, to keep your righteous rules. I am severely afflicted; give me life, O LORD, according to your word! Accept my freewill offerings of praise, O LORD, and teach me your rules.
Psalm 119:105-108
Oh Lord, light my path and guide my feet. Because I don’t know what is even happening right now. I don’t know where are you taking me, or what are you teaching me, but I will continue to follow You, because You have breathed life into me and shown me what is true and real.
