my name is kerrie

Reality check.

I know that I have been in a sort of funk lately, I doubt that you knew that, well maybe you did, I feel like all I do is whine on here…

But anyways…

Yesterday I went to church the first time in like a month, and it felt so good. I realized how much I really desire a community, I think for a little bit there I had succumbed to just taking my lot that I will forever be alone. Which is probably not true, but sometimes it feels like it. 

The pastor spoke about a couple verses in Hebrews 11, the part about Abraham sacrificing Isaac, and so today I decided to read the rest of Hebrews 11 today. Holy guacamole, so convicting. Abraham trusted God’s promise to bless the nations through Isaac, and since God was asking him to sacrifice his son, Abraham reasoned that God was going to raise Isaac from the dead. Disobedience wasn’t even an option.

I was reminded of how little faith I have, and how when you do have faith in the Lord how friggin awesome it is to be His child. The whole chapter is a reminder to the Hebrews not to forget where God has brought them, what He has done for them. I think about my life and how easy it is for me to forget where the Lord has brought me, and I sit in a corner and whine about how God isn’t real in my life or that He doesn’t hear me or that He doesn’t care about me. That isn’t true. In fact lately its been the other way around, I haven’t been listening to God, and I haven’t been caring about my relationship with Him. He has been so faithful to me, and I in turn throw Him by the wayside because I am afraid of where He will take me, despite the fact that deep down I actually want Him to take me to those scary places, because I know that healing comes from those places. 

I finally made the connection that since every good and perfect thing comes from the Lord, faith is included in that, and perhaps I don’t have the faith I desire because I have never asked for it. What a crazy concept right?