my name is kerrie

But it has been the most beautiful day I have experienced in a long time. 

On gloomy days such as these I find myself really unmotivated to do anything, and today kind of started that way. However when I got to church, I felt Jesus, and I thought to myself, “Well, I’m glad that I didn’t put on much makeup today, because I have a feeling that there may be tears this morning.” Then they told us that they were going to be doing baptisms this week and I thought to myself, “There definitely going to be tears this morning.” I always cry at baptisms, especially when they do them randomly and like a hundred people come up to get baptized. I cry like a little girl. 

This morning the pastor shared the gospel. I think for a while there I had forgotten it…

I mean I know and believe the gospel….but its so easy to forget what’s really important.

I have this tendency to suck it up and pull through when things are hard. It’s hard for me to accept help when I need it, because I feel like I should be able to do it on my own. It totally translates into my relationship with God, when I screw up, I feel like I should know better, and then I get really hard on myself for continually messing up, it forces me into this cycle of not accepting the grace that’s been given to me, because since I am a “mature christian” I should know better that to sin. It’s so crippling, because then I run and hide from Jesus and become so ashamed of where I am and what I have done. 

When my life was fainting away, I remembered the LORD, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple. Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love. But I with the voice of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you; what I have vowed I will pay. Salvation belongs to the LORD!”

Jonah 2:7-9

Those who regard vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love. If I continue to care more for other crap in my life than I do for God, I deny the grace that has already been given to me. My debt has already been paid. For everything and anything I have ever done. But a gift is not really yours unless it is accepted.