my name is kerrie

I love my church. I don’t know if I’m allowed to call it MY church…I’ve only been going there for like a month…but either way, I love Summit Church. Yesterday morning, the pastor began a series on the Holy Spirit, and even though I have learned a lot about the Holy Spirit, I am really excited to see where it goes. 

Anyway…

The pastor was talking about how the Holy Spirit is often called the Counselor, and how many people think of that as more of a guidance counselor than anything else. While an aspect of that is true, when faced with temptation the Holy Spirit reminds us of truth and scripture and why that sin will ultimately lead us astray. But he was talking about how Counselor means something more along the lines of legal counsel. The Spirit intercedes on our behalf, and I’m not sure I realize what that actually means.

Often times I think about it in the context of Him standing before the Father when I have fallen once again and being like “I know I know…she screwed up again, but just give one more shot. Please don’t give her wrath. She’ll do better next time…” such a weak position. But my God is not a weak God, is He? The pastor was saying how its more like “Kerrie is covered by the blood of Jesus, and it would be completely unjust of You to withhold Your blessing from her because of her sin, for her sin has already been paid for, and it is unjust to give two punishments for the same crime.” My pastor said it way more passionately, but it’s too early in the morning for passion….

I’ve never thought about it that way. 

Grace doesn’t register with my brain. It’s been ingrained in my mind that one’s actions bear consequences, good or bad. So accepting someone else’s payment for my wrong actions is hard for me. I know and believe that Jesus died for my sin and that I am righteous before Him, it’s just something I have to fight through with the Lord. Not being so hard on myself. It’s like I feel like I have to pay penance for my sin and then Jesus’ blood will take care of it. Which is so crippling, it beats me down every time I try to get up. 

The reality. I don’t deserve grace from God. I don’t deserve anything good from God. But God stepped in and took care of me, like a loving father cares for his child whether they deserve to be rescued or not. There’s no question whether to step in or not. It would be like letting your child drown because they can’t quite get the hang of swimming.

I have been rescued and adopted. I have inherited the right to stand and walk alongside Jesus, not because of my actions. Which is good because if my actions determined whether I was allowed to walk with Him or not I wouldn’t get anywhere near Him. 

I think about this kind of love and i tear up. Even now. haha. I’m at panera tearing up….

But really, it feels so foreign to me. Like, I’m standing awkwardly looking around completely dumbfounded, saying to myself, “Is this even possible? How? Why?”

It’s been kind of a cool lesson though, I feel completely surrounded in love. How can you not feel incredibly cared for?